You don’t need to accept the terms and conditions in order to live in NYC, and even if you did, most people just hit accept without actually reading any of it. Here are 15 things written in the fine print, which you may not have realized until after you moved here:
1. It will be expensive.*
*A Chipotle burrito costs $9 without guac, and the only dumplings under $7 come from a rat infested kitchen.
2. There is a slight a rodent problem.*
*Giant rats are fighting each other for whole pizza slices, and good luck dealing with your mouse infestation when your landlord doesn’t give a crap.
3. The subways are always* improving.**
*Literally always. At no point in time is the subway system 100 percent functional.
**Being maintained so that they stay basically the same quality they were before.
4. You can* get around by riding your bike.
*But you might not want to. Unless you’re fond of near-death experiences.
5. You’ll meet lots of new people.*
*Who won’t want to talk to you because they’re too busy trying to get where they’re going.
6. The parks are beautiful.*
*Compared to a city that smells like burning garbage and asphalt, pretty nice.
7. There is no shortage of things* to do here.
*Seventy-five percent of which cost money that you don’t have.
8. This is the city that never* sleeps.
*Except when you stay up all night partying and go straight to work and then come home and fall asleep underneath your coffee table.
9. It’s the best nightlife* scene in the world.**
*Which you probably can’t afford.
**Except Ibiza, Tokyo, Berlin, and all those other places.
10. There are so many job* opportunities.**
*Which are actually full-time, non-paying internships.
**Which are so good that at least 200 people are competing for every job so good luck with that.
11. Dating is fun.*
*Downright hilarious, and at times infuriating.
12. It’s easy to find good*, interesting** food.
*The reeaaally good stuff is probably out of your price range.
**Because you might need a change from pizza and Chinese food. But you won’t change very often.
13. You can leave your old life behind.*
*Except when your parents want to come visit.
14. You’ll never* be bored.
*Except when you choose to be.
15. You’ll never* want to leave.
*Except when your bank account is crying, or you’re unemployed because the job market is too competitive, or you just can’t stand it here anymore.